So I had recently been told there’s a new burger joint in town, one whose name I had heard before. It’s called Cheeburger Cheeburger, and after a couple days of trying to get stuff together to go, I finally went and ate.
So how was it?
Cheeburger Cheeburger (Burger from here on out) is like almost every other burger place, a faux-retro mix of Elvis music and neon lights. I went with a friend around lunch time so a crowd was expected. I was surprised that we could sit at the mostly empty bar and order almost immediately ahead of the at least ten people waiting to be seated.
Let me be perfectly clear, this is a make-your own everything place. Every item on the menu has a minimum of thirty things to customize it with, literally. According to the sign there are over 378,000 different flavor combinations for their shakes, and they also offer egg creams (which are apparently just old fashioned fountain sodas). Here is a direct quote from wikipedia:
It contains neither eggs nor cream.
In hindsight I wish I would have gotten that. The drinks also can be mixed with just about any snowball flavor combination. They off teas, lemonades and pepsi products, all of which can be mixed with flavors like blueberry, raspberry, watermelon, etc. I ordered a watermelon lemonade which was pretty good. I think I want to try watermelon mountain dew if I ever go again.
They offer some classic melts, but what people have been telling me about is the burgers and fries. The burger selection goes like this:
– The Not so serious : 1/3 pound $5 and some change
– The semi-serious: 7 ounces $6.29
– The serious: Something slightly more
– The pounder: Full pound o’ you guessed it.
A small fries (supposedly feeds 1-2) was $2.69, but we split a medium, which came out to $1.65 a person. It actually lists the fries as:
0.50 Med Fry
The lemonade (which comes in a jelly jar) was $2.19, I didn’t get a refill because I drank conservatively, scared of another $2.19 for something I wouldn’t completely drink.
The burgers can be dressed with no less than thirty different things, Worcestershire sauce, bar-b-que sauce, onion rings, lettuce, tomato, onions and exotic stuff like pineapple too. I ordered mine with lettuce, tomato, feta cheese, and W sauce, my friend got his with onion rings, bbq sauce and some other junk,
I’ve been building up all this information to say this: it was completely underwhelming. Albeit was a good burger, it was not six dollars worthy. The burger was pretty large, but it wasn’t secretly seasoned with some family recipe. It was shredded cow cooked to one of three standard choices.
So what about the fries?
Genuinely ordinary. They have some “special seasoning” they have to sprinkle on the fries. The ingredients list is literally:
Pepper, salt, garlic and some preservative to prevent clumping.
Dead serious, it wasn’t much bigger than a regular plastic canister of Lawry’s seasoned salt. The menu said it was able to be taken home for a whopping $3.19. I repeat, garlic, salt, and pepper mixed for three dollars and nineteen cents. They tried to make the fries all hip and cool by saying they leave the skins on because potatoes should be natural and crap like that. I’m fine if a business likes to leave things natural, but when your only perk is skinned fries with saltpeppergarlic seasoning, I don’t want to hear about your natural-because-you-think-it’s-the-way-things-should-be, crap (i.e. Wendy’s, Subway).
The experience itself wasn’t anything awful, the people were smiling, polite and friendly. The waitresses were mostly young, attractive, females that go to the local college, and that’s a serious plus for me. The atmosphere wasn’t at all retro, just because the music is old and you have neon lights and aluminum wall kitchen tiling, doesn’t make you retro. They try to pull off the old feel with giant Pepsi bottle caps on the walls and random Norman Rockwell style paintings (also stupid crap like oars, license plates, and burgers).
So for $11.14 I got a bunch of food I could have made myself for cheaper and possibly a bit better, and some cute girls to look at. I could have gone to Sonic and gotten a chicken club toaster and a bad ass malt…. two of that almost.
I’m not saying that I didn’t like it, it’s just very ordinary. You have to be a person who loves creating their own styles to truly enjoy the place.